Sunday, November 28, 2004


It happened all on Saturday night; she'd gotten back from New York and we'd agree to watch a movie. We watched "Swimming Pool" in my building because it has a very nifty theater room with plasma screen tv and surround sound. The movie didnt make much sense and afterwards we went back up to my room. For a fleeting moment there, I thought she wasnt interested because she kept on googling pictures of the guys she found really hot on my computer, which of course I thought was obnoxious. However the way she'd come all dressed up and made up (matching pink boots, pink ipod, pink scarf, glossy lips while I hadnt even shaved) indicated that I shouldnt let up so we kept on talking and then things fell into place.

This morning I thought that "great, I must be asexual after all" and that regardless of all the hopes and hype I was still stuck with emotional indifference. I'd promised her I would be sweet, genuine, attentive and that I wouldnt break any hearts. I think I would have but I was on auto-pilot.

Anyways we went to the library together and while we were studying she wrote me sweet messages on post-it notes and passed them to me accross the table. To which I would reply with equal sweetness. Then I went to get lunch by myself and when I came back to our table and saw the notes, I thought that perhaps I should keep them as love letters, just in case I would want to look back and read that she'd felt a certain way about me once. It's when I sneakily placed the post-it notes in my bag that it hit me that I liked her a lot and that I could get attached. Que sera, sera.

Ohhh well I hope this time there wont be other girls.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Hello I'm back back to the daily diatribes. That whole reptilian shapeshifting business served both as some excuse for not writing and a sign of life. I'd stopped writing was because I came back depressed from my trip to Toronto. I suppose I could have written about my depression and about what was making me upset but I dont like talking about these things; I prefer to internalize it all and wait for the feeling to fade away. So that was the bad news, but the good news is that I'm obviously feeling better since you're reading these lines. I'm as close as ever to making an appointment at Counseling and Psychological Services.

I wont try summarizing these past four weeks but I'll give you the highlights. I met a Serbian girl, we'll call M. She doesnt go to Penn but to a college nearby which is very convenient because I only see her every once in a while and this keeps arguments and boredom away. The smell of her perfume is still in my pillow. The first time she slept over I had to change my pillow case to not suffer the smell; the second time she slept over, I embraced her smell and chased it in my pillow before falling asleep; now I just wish it wasnt there but I'm too indifferent to do something about it.

My test to determine if a relationship has potential is very simple: if I sleep well with the person then hey who knows this could be the one if but I dont sleep well then the relationship has no future.

I dont sleep at all with this girl. First of all she wants the windows open in the winter, second of all she cant stand covers and comforters and lastly she cant seem to assume a comfortable sleeping position. Next time she sleeps over, I'll suggest she sleeps in my other bed.

It's been about two years since I've been able to get emotionally attached to someone, it might finally come to an end. Not with M. obviously but somebody else. This one other girl is in my physics class and since the first day of classes I wanted to get to know her. I was really waiting for an opportunity to bump into her and introduce myself but Inever saw her outside of class and she also seemed really bitchy, never seemed to smile, and was pretty much always by herself. I'd never seen her before, so I assumed she was new to Penn but probably not a freshman because she just looked so much older. Well I finally did end up meeting her a few weeks ago in the cafeteria, we exchanged names, I learned that she was 23, that she'd taken three years off from school in 1999 but now was back to doing homework and midterms. I didnt see her for a while after that because I stopped going to class. Then I saw her again in the cafeteria two days ago; she was sitting with one of her friends but I still went up and said hi, she introduced me and got my name right while I had remembered only the first syllable of hers. Anyways we did the usual meaningless chit chat of where we were from and blablablabla before she took me by surprise by speaking french. Apparently she'd live in Paris, as well as all over Europe during those three years. She said she'd be in Paris for winterbreak, coincidence I was going to be to. She said her birthday was on Janurary First and asked me if I'd come celebrate it with her. I said yes. Then we exchanged contact info. I emailed her to say hi, and she emailed back having apparently enjoyed the wit of my writing. Today I had to go to class because we had a quiz, I rolled in late but just in time for the quiz, she rolled in later but just in time for the quiz. I finished my quiz early and waited for her to finish. She took forever but finally she came out. We walked back home together (she lives in an ex frat house half a block away from me) and was surprised at how easily the conversation flowed. In front of her house she told me her room was tiny, I didnt believe her so she invited me and I got to see how tiny it was. There we talked some more, and we just really connected. Before I "knew" her I thought she was just a pretty face but she's gorgeous inside and out; she's really fun and sooo refreshing but the cherry on the cake is that she looks like me down to the physionomy, people would mistake us for siblings. It's going to be a very nice change, it gets lonely to be around people who look different than you.

So yeah that's that. If what I want doesnt work out, she'll still be a barrel of fun to hang out with, but hopefully I'll be able to work my magic. I'll keep you all updated, she's in New York for Thanksgiving now but she will be back!

I designed a couple of shirts today, I'll wear one of my designs on the day I land thatMommy you should like it. I'm thinking of starting a clothing company?

Everybody wants to be hollywood
The fame, the vanity, the glitz, the stories
One day I’ll become a great big star
You know like the big dipper
And maybe one day you can visit my condo
On the big hill you know like 9-0-2-1-0

Just imagine my face in the magazine
People analyzing my look, my body or
Any plastic surgery.

You know like the big dipper
And maybe one day you can shake
My hand on the planet Hollywood

You say I’m not underground
I’m rich, I’m famous, I vanish, I’m glitz
I am the story, I am the star
You know like the big dipper

Sex, Drugs & Rock n’ Roll
It’s Over
I decide it’s over

Everybody wants to be hollywood
And maybe one day you can visit my condo
On the big hill you know like 9-0-2-1-0
Oh Yeah

Sunday, November 14, 2004

The Illuminati conspiracy exposed

The following list has been compiled from the wealth of research David Icke has put together over the last year. He would suggest that all of these are reptilian bloodline, but he only mention shape-shifting where it has been witnessed.
It is only an initial list and will be added to. By "Satanists", of course, he means those involved in human sacrifice.

William F. Buckley Jr: Head of the elite JANUS mind control operation based at NATO headquarters in Belgium which trains mind-controlled psychic assassins; child killer, Satanist, shape-shifter

George Bush: US President and Vice President, head of the CIA, and a stream of other leading roles in the Illuminati. Satanist, mind controller, torturer of children and adults, pedophile, shape-shifting reptilian, and major drug runner. Serial killer. Nice man.

George W. Bush, Jr., Son of his father.

Bill Clinton, President of the United States. Satanist, serial killer, based on orders he has issued for assassinations, sexual abuser of mind controlled slaves.

Hillary Clinton, wife of President and now running for political office in New York. Announced her intention to run at a place called Pindar. This is the code-name of one of the foremost Illuminati human sacrificers and operatives. High Illuminati witch and Satanist. Abuser of mind controlled women.

Al Gore, Vice-President to Clinton, Illuminati, Satanist, serious blood drinker. Reptilian shapeshifter.

Gerald Ford, Ronald Reagan, Jimmy Carter, Richard Nixon, Lyndon B. Johnson. Presidents of the United States. Satanists. Users of mind-controlled slaves.

John F. Kennedy, assassinated President of the US. User for sex of mind controlled slaves. Probably a lot more we have yet to know.

Ted Kennedy, US politician, and head of the Kennedy clan currently. Brutal abuser of mind controlled slaves.

Henry Kissinger, former Secretary of State under Richard Nixon, and one of the Illuminati's foremost master minds of the agenda. Satanist, mind controller, child torturer, creator of wars of mass murder and destruction. Shape-shifter. Works closely with the UK's Lord Carrington.

Mikail Gorbachev, former President of the Soviet Union, now working in the US for the Illuminati Gorbachev Foundation which campaigns for World government, world army, etc., etc. Satanist and shape-shifting reptilian.

House of Rothschild. Satanists, child sacrificers, mind controllers, torturers of children and adults. Guy de Rothschild heads the dynasty and he is one of the top trauma-based mind controllers in the world. They are shape-shifting reptilians.

Habsburgs: See Rothschilds.
Rockefellers: See Rothschilds.
Astor's: See Rothschilds.
DuPont's: See Rothschilds.
Mellon's: See Rothschilds.

Dick Cheney, Defense Secretary under President Bush. Satanist, torturer of children and adults. Mind controller.

Robert C. Byrd, "Democrat" senator for West Virginia. Satanist and brutal torturer of adults and children. Mind controller.
Quote added by Hard Truth “It is money, money, money! Not ideas, not principles, but money that reigns supreme in American politics.” -- Senator Robert Byrd, West Virginia

Bob and Bill Bennett, well-known US political figures closely connected to George Bush. Satanists, mind controllers, torturers of children and adults.

Lt Col Michael Aquino, US Military Psychological Warfare Department: Satanist (founder of the Church of Set), torturer of children and adults in trauma-based mind control projects.
Kris Kristopherson, actor and singer. Works with Aquino. Torturer, mind controller.

Boxcar Willie, country music singer. Satanist, pedophile.

Bob Hope "comedian". Life-time asset of British Intelligence, mind-controlled slave handler, and manipulator of the "entertainment industry" on behalf of the Illuminati. The "Rat Pack", including Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Junior, and Dean Martin were all heavily involved with Hope and others in the same line of work.

Billy Graham, "Christian" hero who has been funded from the start by the top Illuminati families and operatives like the Rockefellers and newspaper tycoon, William Randolph Hearst. Satanist, involved in mind control projects, close friend of Bush and Kissinger. Bloodline of the Satanic Illuminati Frank family which created the Satanic movement known as Frankism.

Queen Elizabeth II of the UK: Satanist, child sacrificer, shape-shifting reptilian. Major Illuminati figure.
Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother: As above.
Prince Philip: As above.
Prince Charles: As above.
Prince Andrew: As above.
Princess Anne: As above. Not seen to shape-shift.

Lord Mountbatten of the British Royal Family and World War II "war hero". Rothschild bloodline, and therefore a shape-shifter. Satanist.

Winston Churchill, Britain's war-time Prime Minister, and bloodline of the Marlborough family, one of the elite aristocratic bloodlines of the British Isles. Satanist.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt: US war-time President: Satanist.

Stalin: Russian war-time leader. Satanist.

Adolf Hitler, Nazi leader in Germany. Rothschild bloodline. Satanist.

Tony Blair, current British Prime Minister. Satanist.

Saturday, October 23, 2004

In Toronto!!!

Will write all about my visit when I come back. Here's a joke told by a bum to solicit donations: "How do you piss off Winnie the Poo?" ... "Put two fingers in his honey." har har har.

Thursday, October 21, 2004

They took my senior portrait today. I dressed up for the occasion but refused to wear a tie. The woman taking the pictures was being obnoxious telling me to tilt my head just a little more left, to turn my body to the right, to relax my shoulders, to smile, to not smile, to look in the camera etc etc. Those pictures better end up looking great.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

I'm honestly a little disappointed with blogger, I thought that its mere association with google would garantee a great product and service but just the opposite turned out to be true. It's so lousy in fact, that yesterday the system lost my entry which I replaced with a picture of Kim Jong Il wearing stylish aviators.

Today I didnt really feel like waking up because I had a midterm at one thirty. I never really feel like waking up, I'm so comfotable in my sleep. The way I would envision happiness is abig bed (at least twice my height in the length and three times my height in the width so roughly a 4 by 6 meter bed) where I would sleep uninterruped in big white sheets. The bed would be in a big room (big beds require big rooms) with big (big is good) windows overlooking some sort of beautiful landscape, a well-kept garden, a lake or the ocean maybe. The happiness in my vision wouldnt lie in the size of my bed or in the view but rather in the fact that I would be constantly watched by someone I loved in the sense that every single time I'd wake up, I'd wake up to the smile of my watcher. I would smile back and discuss my dreams, my thoughts and the watcher would listen, nod, agree and provide for great conversations. Satisfied with our exchange I would feint going back to sleep then slowly open one eye and try to catch my watcher not smiling or not watching affectionately before ultimately giving up on the whole silly idea and falling back to sleep. Of course I'd be bored if I did nothing but sleeping, not to mention I'd be dead; that's why when I wouldnt be sleeping and talking to my watcher I've decided I'd read books, write letters and eat food served and ordered in my bed.

I didnt even have breakfast this morning. No wonder people say I'm skinny. I'm skipping all my damn meals. I took my exam on an empty stomach. I dont think I did too badly, it was comprised of nothing but trick questions. There's almost no point in studying for those types of exams. I'll get my results next week but the problem with that class is that everybody in it is so damn smart.

It was Claudine's birthday today so we had lunch after my exam and caught up on things. I dont know why I didnt like her like that when I could have.

I'm still very hungry, food is so depressing.

The good thing that happened to me today was that I received a phone call from a telemarketer. Normally they annoy the hell out of me but this phone call had me laughing out loud because I managed to have the woman on the phone hang up on me. She asked me if I was a Penn student, told me I was eligible for a credit card and all that stuff and all I kept on saying was "uhhh hmmmmmmmm" as if I was being convinced by her offer, I kept on saying it even when I didnt have to, I just said it because it was a funny sound. Finally she asked if I could spell my name "for security purposes", I waited a second to come up with a witty answer but only came up with a forceful "NO!" Then she hung up without saying anything. I'm still laughing.
In the dark with the shades.

Monday, October 18, 2004

Victory! Posted by Hello
Today Shahnaz left. She made her bed, packed her luggages and left. So far I havent really felt anything, mostly because I've been too busy catching up on work and really just reading The Catcher in the Rye, but tomorrow when I wake up to not be greeted by her smile and a "bonjour stef!", then it'll hit me and I'll miss her. Writing about her actually makes me miss her already...Odd isnt, that I could just miss her by writing that I'll miss her? I bet that if you wrote about being happy, it would make you happy, and if you wrote about being sad, it would make you sad. Somebody ought to do a thesis about this and publish the results.

The saddest part about Shahnaz leaving is that I didnt really get a chance to hang out with her. That's the problem with people like her, they're loved by everyone and spend all their free time shuttling between friends. Ohh well there will be other girls. I put that last sentence in italics because it's an inside joke I share with this other girl Emily that basically evolved into a philosophy on life; if things dont go your way, if you had a bad grade, stepped into a pudlle of mud, anything bad really just shrug and say to yourself ohh well there will be other girls.
Anyways I found a picture of me holding a flag where I thought I looked fairly sexy but havent figured out yet how to upload it on this blogger thing. I keep clicking on the image button but nothing happens. I hope I dont have to pay for that service because that would blow.

Ohh well there will be other girls.

Sunday, August 22, 2004

Abracadabra let the magic begin

My very first post.

Not much of a post, I know, but this is just the beginning.